Psychologists confidently consider moving to another city or country a mental trauma, comparable in severity to a divorce or death of a loved one. What usually gnaws at someone who moves to another country, and how to get through it all. Let's figure it out.
I want to combine this article with personal experience and knowledge of psychologists. First of all, I want to say a few words about my move, so that in the future there would be no thoughts like “easy to say”, “they helped you” and so on.
First of all, my move was conditioned, however banal it is, by a very great love for the climate, the beauty of nature, the Mediterranean Sea, a benevolent attitude towards personal freedom and human rights. Many local immigrant watchmen are very fond of talking about the huge number of disadvantages that lie in wait here and there, but there is an explanation for this. Don't let it scare you until you come and see everything with your own eyes.
I arrived with my teenage son, when we were entering a difficult age of growing up, believe me, it is not easy. And then I take the child and leave for another country. Where we do not know the language, customs, law, a happy spouse does not await us, etc.
It was difficult to adapt, but not so that it was completely unbearable.
More than half a century ago, the Canadian anthropologist Calervo Oberg described the stages of culture shock of an immigrant: honeymoon or tourist stage, irritation and anger stage, rejection or regression stage, integration or assimilation stage.
No matter how you prepare for the move, it is impossible to remotely comprehend all the subtleties of life in the country. By the way, 100% of the respondents say that only after the move they realized what difficulties they would have to face. I would highlight a few.
Identity crisis. We are no longer in the dominant majority. Our baggage of knowledge and experience is being reviewed, questioned - we are forced to confirm diplomas, qualifications, take exams, and often study again. Three higher education diplomas from Russia are not as valuable than one "local" one. Our past loses value, and the future seems uncertain. Our role in society often changes.
The stage of denial or "honeymoon". This is one of the periods of adaptation. I like everything because there are strong defense mechanisms that protect the psyche from shock. What to do? Enjoy, make new acquaintances, learn the language and culture of the country. And also remember that the euphoria will pass, and this is natural.
I cannot help but touch upon the stage of anger. Yes Yes. With this, many may also encounter. The traditions of the country already seem stupid and meaningless, the people are not so nice, they work very badly, speak quickly and incomprehensibly, and even eat all kinds of nasty things. This is a very difficult period, which can cause various addictions and aggression towards a partner. Some "seize" their feelings, forgetting about the sea and the beauty next to them, some relieve tension with the help of alcohol. Listen to me! Anger will subside, and broken relationships are not always easy to repair. Remember that the period of emotional aggression is passing, you should not succumb to panic and fear and think that from now on life will be so terrible.
Of course, many will start internal bargaining. Why did I make this mess, maybe come back? But do not forget, you left for the sake of new horizons, you have already left, master this way of life, do not be afraid.
After some time, the taste of life and self-confidence will return, you will communicate without fear and make new acquaintances - and not only in the Russian-speaking environment, and the future will become more certain. This will be acceptance or the final stage of adaptation.
We are with you, we will help you. Open up new horizons for yourself and explore yourself and life around you.
